(This was meant to go out a while ago but I ended up having too much to write and life got in the way hence why this is almost a week late.)
It is HERE! It is FINALLY HERE!!!
(A Review on YouTube done by the team of Sleeping-Geeks for those that are mortified by the thought of reading 3000 words)
Game of Thrones is back and we get right back into things with this episode. Some people may have expected more… Some may have expected less. Game of Thrones isn’t about individual expectations. It’s about the show and no fan is bigger than the show. That being said, everybody is entitled to an opinion… however shitty it may be and you can share it with me.
I think this episode was pretty good. Great in fact; I really enjoyed it. Reason behind my enjoyment was the fact that we got to see every single part of the story. (Apart from Bran, Stannis and Theon Greyjoy; all three of which aren’t really top priority at the moment… Let’s be honest, they don’t have much going for them.)
ICE, ICE BYE-BYE! – A Farewell Tribute to the Stark Sword
So we started off with ‘The Sword’! The legendary blade known as ‘ICE’ that used to reside in the hands of our fallen hero, Ned Stark.
And what becomes of it?
It gets melted. (Do you get it? Ice… melted!) The Sword is slain at the hands of Tywin Lannister. I mean seriously dude? Seriously? What did that sword ever do to you? It was legendary man! You didn’t have to destroy it. I remember watching this scene and all the memories rushed back into me. First I remember Ned dying… his head impaled on a stick.
And then our beloved Robb… Stabbed and slit open. And then his beloved Wolf… Decapitated and his head planted upon Robb’s body. Disgusting, absolutely disgusting.
And now we have to see him kill the sword too. I think that draws the line mate. You can kill Sean Bean; considering he always dies anyway. You can kill his legitimate first born son in the show. You can even kill his son’s pet wolf too. But not his sword man! That’s just going too far! We have got to draw the line somewhere.
Lucky for Tywin, he managed to save himself by forging two new swords out of Ice. So Ice shall live on in the form of two blades. You can say, he has died and given birth to two sons.
THE TWO SWORDS! – The Title of this Episode
(hence why I’ve been rambling on about it)
Now these blades belong to Tywin Lannister now and he presents one to his own son, Ser Jaime Lannister. The other he’s kept for himself for now and I wonder whose hands it will fall into.
Will the two sons of Ice, (let’s name them Frost and Glacier for now) fight side by side? Or will the brothers clash against one another. This is going to be interesting. . I’m hoping they make their way to Jon Snow or Arya Stark. I mean they deserve to carry on Ned and Robb’s legacy. But we shall see…
The reason why Tywin decided to remake the sword was because apparently, it was made of something called Valerian Steel and I think this is like the highest ranked blade material in all of “Westeross”. You know like the most special sword you can get in all the RPG’s we play. (Think ‘Dragon’ weaponry in “Skyrim”)
I have to admit, Tywin was awesome in this scene. There were no words but his actions and the direction was amazing. That animal sacrifice in the end… It kinda marked the end of an era where the Starks Wolf perished and the Lannister’s Lion became the sigil that will reign supreme. That’s the message I got from it and Tywin is preparing for the future.
THE WOUNDED LION! – From Prince Charming to Worthless Knight
For me, this guy represented Prince Charming at the start of the show. He had good looks, he had the family, the power, the support and he could fight. He was the King-Slayer, the Golden Lion, The man who nobody could touch.
And now, he seems so worthless, you actually feel sorry for him. Despite him throwing Bran out of the window and making out with his sister, you actually feel something for this guy. He’s actually become one of my favourites now. This is very strange. I never had thought I would ever be cheering for this guy but I am. I want him to prove to his family and the world that he is actually worth something.
His father practically told him he’s not good enough to do anything in King’s Landing and that he should go home to Casterly Rock and do nothing. He refused and his father temporarily disowned him. And here I was thinking there was the one offspring he respected. Tywin Lannister respects nobody. He’s the fuckin’ Boss!
His sister doesn’t want to ‘love’ him no more because ‘he took too long’. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? The guy was captured and held prisoner. Nobody came to rescue him… And yet he managed to escape from within the hands of the enemy and return home. He lost a hand in the process as well.
No sympathy for him though…
He wants to remain in the kings-guard and gain some honor considering his nephew-cum-son pretty much highlighted that he has no accomplishments in the book of brothers which is like a manifesto of legendary knights. His page drew up no accomplishments. I guess slaying the king you was supposed to protect doesn’t class as an accomplishment… Otherwise, he is pretty much a legend. But considering it is seen as nothing, our incest loving Lannister is pretty much seen as a failure.
No wonder Geoffrey has turned out to be so useless… He’s got Jaime’s blood running through his veins. Everything the Lannister’s accomplished was through Tywin.
But that’s because Jaime is softy really, despite trying to kill Bran… but I guess that just had to be done; couldn’t let his secret be revealed.
What’s interesting was when Brienne of Tarth questioned him about his promise to Caitelyn Stark about making sure her daughters are safe. When he answered, for a moment I felt like he’d forgotten the, ‘Lannister’s always pay their debts’… He claimed Sansa is safe in the castle and Arya is probably dead so his job is done.
No mate, that’s not going to work… You’re going to have to do more than that if you want to become the new fan favourite. Go out of your way and ensure you fulfil your promise.
Speaking of Sansa… Let’s move on to her part of the story.
SANSA THE SULK – Forever Miserable
Let’s admit it… She is by far the most useless Stark. She has absolutely done nothing worthy of praise so far apart from rescue some drunk from Geoffrey’s wrath. I guess she warrants the charming necklace for that but nothing more. (That necklace does seem interesting and I wonder what plot it holds within its history and future)
Despite all her short comings, I feel the most for that girl. Arya is out doing things and she plans on getting her revenge so she’ll manage. Her dream of marrying Geoffrey and becoming a queen are long dead. Sansa however knows she can do nothing. She’s now a prisoner and has got married to an older guy she finds repulsive, despite how charming he truly is. Her father, mother and brother are dead. Her Wolf is dead too despite it not having done anything wrong. She has done nothing… Nothing right and nothing wrong… Yet she has had to suffer all the consequences. She’s branded the daughter of a traitor and she was forced to watch her falsely accused father beheaded.
Everybody sympathises with her yet nobody offers to help. I can’t help but think the “Bad Luck Brian” meme’s should be replaced with Sansa because she has had the worst luck in this series. Things just go from bad to worse for her.
She is truly alone. If I was her, I’d have killed myself by now so kudos to her for still being alive after all of this. But I think she needs to man up and take a stand now. Take some risks and turn this shitty situation into something positive. She’s a Stark and Tully… she needs to live up to those houses.
Everybody thinks she’s useless and I agree but I expect great things from her. Not as great as Jon or Arya or even Bran; but greatness non-the-less, despite being a dire-wolf down compared to her ‘living’ siblings. (R.I.P Robb Stark & Grey Wind… Miss you guys man!)
Let’s move on to her sweet little husband now…
THE WORLD’S FAVOURITE IMP! – 99 Problems; Bitch Inclusive
This guy is having a horrid time. Like seriously… nothing is going right for him. He has the shittiest job where he has to finance a wedding of the century. He’s got married to a girl who is suffering from insomnia, depression and he’s having to force feed her. His whore girl-friend wants the ‘D’ and he can’t give it and his sister’s little whore-spy has just heard everything and is planning to feed it back to her master.
Not forgetting people want him dead in his own family and he just welcomed a new enemy into their home.
The only thing going for him is his awesome conversation with Bronn, the mercenary turned knight. His one-liners just steal the show for me. And with that little virgin squire on their team, they’ve got brawn, brains, wit and knowledge on their side. I say “brains, wit and knowledge” just to emphasize, this trio has a lot of potential.
INTRODUCING THE RED VIPER – The Threat of the Century
So a little about this new enemy. Prince Oberyn Martell is the younger brother of Prince Doran of House Martell. His sister was Queen at one point, married to King Rhaegar Targaryen. She even birthed him two children. But like all kings, this guy wanted more. The horny bastard left her for a younger girl.
After the war was settled, the Lannister’s ensured to end the Rhaegar’s right to the throne by killing both his children and the mother of his children. They were the sister, niece and nephew of Prince Oberyn. That’s basically who this guy is and I can tell you one thing. He’s dangerous.
The scene at the whore house was both interesting and weird but it shows what ‘The Red Viper’ is capable of. And I still can’t get those words out of my head… “The Lannister’s are not the only one’s who pay their debts.” HOLY SHIT! DAMN! That’s a straight up threat. Basically, he’s going to spill some blood.
THE PRODIGAL CROW RETURNS – Knows Something Now
So our Crow beyond the wall returns and has got to set things straight with the council of crows. He’s learnt of Robb’s death and speaks of how he envied Robb but could never hate him. Fat-Sam mentions he felt the same with Jon. I thought that was hilarious.
He spits the truth and confesses all his sins before the Crows and although they want to punish him, the old Aemon Targaryen is amongst them and he has a strange power where he can sense the truth. He makes the decision to let him go.
Jon had informed them of the loss of his virginity to the Wildling girl and also spills the plans of the Wildlings, telling the Night’s Watch of their numbers and where they’ll be attacking from.
Funny how he went from number one criminal to the guy who can be their saviour. Little Jon Snow knows something now…
I see potential for Jon to become leader of the Night’s Watch now as opposed to the King beyond the wall as I first predicted.
It also seems the Wildlings are growing stronger as their forces were strengthened by the arrival of a bald clan that carry scars on their faces and eat crows. And by crows I mean ‘Crows’, as in men from the Night’s Watch. They’re cannibals in other words. Like things weren’t crazy enough. Jon’s ex-girlfriend is still pissed off but its clear she let him get away as her aim is superb and could have easily killed her lover had she wanted… with a single arrow.
EATING CHICKEN & FINDING NEEDLE – Fuck The King
The best part of this episode and the new greatest duo on television award has to go to Arya and The Hound. How badass are these two.
Currently leading the ‘Fuck the King’ brigade, the two found themselves on the road once more. They’re headed for her aunt’s place where he will trade her for money apparently. As long as he gets her there safe, I’m not bothered about him doing it for the money. I think he’s just doing it because he thinks he should.
Arya wants her own horse as she’s tired of riding in The Hound’s lap. Okay, that didn’t really sound right but you know what I mean. She wants her own little pony.
They discover a group of ‘The Kings Men’ who are terrorizing an Inn and acting like thugs under the Kings name. Arya recognises one who killed her friend back when needle was stolen off her. She recognises the blade tucked at his waist as well.
We knew from the trailer she would be united with her blade but now this explains how. Without bothering to discuss the situation with The Hound, she decides to rush inside the building. He follows her obviously and they both walk into some awkward stares as the situation inside is just awkward. Well it could obviously be more awkward but let’s not talk about in what way.
Basically there are men in the building fondling the inn-keepers girl and just doing whatever the fuck they want. These two just walk in slowly and take a seat at the far end of the room. The man who had previously encountered Arya in her days as a boy claims to recognise them. At first Arya was mortified he had discovered her… but it was the Hound he recognised.
Arya realising she’s gotten away with it…
“Fuck the King.” – Ser Sandor Clegane (The Hound)
The banter between the two was awesome with the younger of the Clegane brothers declaring his hatred for the King and love for chickens. Eventually it lead to a brawl between Sandor Clegane and the bunch of misfits.
The Hound fought well and kicked some ass but it was Arya who stole the show. She took her blade and stabbed her enemy in the leg before repeating the lines he had used to kill her friend.
She stared into his eyes as he realised who she was before piercing his throat with Needle. #BADASS!
Just goes to show, be careful of the things you do in life… They might come back to ‘Stab you in the neck’!
The Hound is basically a one-man army and Arya makes a great back-up considering people think she’s just his little whore.
The ending was cool as Arya gets her own little pony as she had requested at the start of their scene.
MOTHER OF DRAGONS – Dealing with Teenage Tantrums!
Just like all children, these dragons are growing up and they are growing VERY BIG! This one in particular. They’re going through changes (puberty) hence the aggressive behaviour.
I think she’ll manage to control them, otherwise it’s going to make for a very interesting story where the dragons are out of control and nobody can stop them. DAMN! In that case, all will rest in the hands of the Bard and the Black Arrow… Oh wait, wrong lore. #LOTR
There was a bit of disappointment in this episode for most of us with the character who was playing Daario Neharis having to quit the show and being replaced by a new guy. Apparently, replacing Jason Statham as ‘The Transporter’ was a better opportunity than playing this awesome assassin. I thought he had a great chance of getting with Khaleesi but no… unfortunately he is too stupid to realise and has ended up ruining this perfect opportunity. Now it’s fallen in the hands of a guy with not even half the charm and charisma the original Daario Neharis had. #DISAPPOINTED
Also looks like Grey-Worm’s got his eyes on another beauty… Khaleesi’s secretary. Can’t remember her name but you know who I’m on about.
With all said and done… I give this Episode a solid 9/10! The pacing was great, the scenes were all awesome and they were carried out to perfection in my opinion.
Great work to the whole of the Game of Thrones team! Doing an Awesome job.
Sleeping Geeks 